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My Notes(Up to Oct '03)

My Notes(From Oct '03)

My UAE Visit 2003

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My City : Barnala

My Country : India

English Language

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The time to relax is when you dont have time for it.

 

Though this be madness, yet there is some sort of art in it.

One of the greatest pleasures of life is doing the things that others say or feel you can’t.

1

As Prince of Wales, Edward VII was known by his friends for his sense of humour. One intimate, relying on the prince's joviality, declined a dinner invitation with the following telegram: "Sorry cannot come. Lie follows." Edward was immensely amused.

 

a

A question in college exam read, "What steps would you take to find the height of a building, using an aneroid barometer?" One student, short on knowledge but long on ingenuity, replied: "I would lower the barometer on a string and measure the string."

2

There are risks and costs to a programme of action. But they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable non-action. (John F Kennedy)

 

b

Elders are more capable? Not necessarily. If it were so, America would have been discovered by Columbus ji’s father.

3

Can God make such a heavy stone, which God itself cannot lift!

 

c

The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shinning. (John F Kennedy)

4

To demand more of yourself than most people demand of you is what pays the ultimate dividends. (Claudia Cassidy)

 

d

If a man speaks, or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him like a shadow that never leaves him.

5

It is better to be silent and considered a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

 

e

If you love a bird, set it free. If it comes back, it is yours forever. If it does not, it never was yours.

6

A ship at the port is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.

 

f

These are the times that try men’s souls.

(Thomas Paine)

7

To give pleasure to a single heart by a single kind act is better than a thousand head-bowings in prayer.

 

g

The rule of the road is a paradox quite; If you keep to the left, you are sure to be right.

8

All generalisations are false, including this one.

 

h

Nothing is permanent except change.

9

It is better to debate a question without settling it than to settle a question without debating it.

 

i

Difficulties can be stepping stones or stumbling blocks. It is just a matter of how you view them.

10

Experience is a good teacher, but the school fees are heavy.

 

j

Auditors always reject any expense account with a bottomline divisible by 5 or 10. (O'Brien's Principle)

11

Atheist-theist quarrel. Whether God is? Both always disagreed and quarreled. One day panchayat gathered. Arguments exchanged. Both agreed with each other.

 

k

I learned a long time ago never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty and besides the pig likes it.

(Cyrus Ching)

12

News paper report : “Merchant of Death, Dynamite King dies”. He read it : “Am I here or there?”

 

l

It is better to deserve an honour and not have it than to have it and not deserve it.

13

Stop and watch a farmer ploughing a field.

 

m

Greater than being great is being grateful.

14

The world is a classroom and life is a memorable teacher. But for those who are prepared to learn.

 

n

We can learn a lot from a calendar. It plans its work a year ahead and always finishes on time.

15

A person who asks a question is fool for five minutes. One who does not, remains forever.

 

o

You may take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.

16

We learn from history that we learn nothing from history.

 

p

TACT: At a round table, there is no dispute about place.

17

Never fear to negotiate, but never negotiate out of fear.

 

q

An income is what you can’t live within or without.

18

Honesty is the best policy as it has little competition.

 

r

Skill is nil without will.

19

Skills are not copyright, they are transferable.

 

s

Don’ live in the past, there is no future in it.

20

If you have a day to chop down a tree, spend half a day sharpening your axe.

 

t

The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.

21

Better late than never, but better never late.

 

u

Bad news and eggs should be broken gently.

Somebody to Pluto, “Whatever you have already said, what you are saying and what you will say in future is totally false.”

Pluto’s reply, “You are absolutely right, Sir.”

 

Quote Unquote

 

Falkland's Rule

When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.

Finagle's Fourth Law

Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it will only make it worse.

Gumperson's Law

The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.

Hull's Warning

Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.

Index of Emergence

The degree of a nation's emergence is measured by the ratio of the price of a vehicle to the cost of a hair-cut. The lower the ratio, the higher the index of emergence.

Johnson's Third Law

If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will be the issue that contains the article, story or instalment that you were most anxious to read.

Jones' Law

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.

Murphy's Calendar Law

The chances of forgetting a date are directly proportional to the importance of remembering it.

Cole's Axiom

The sum of intelligence on the planet is a constant. And the population is growing.

Hlade's Law

If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy man. He will find an easier way to do it.

Rule of the Great

When somebody that you greatly respect appears to be thinking deeply, he is, most probably, thinking only about lunch.

Truman's Law

If you cannot convince them, confuse them.

Law of Human Nature V

You can lead a man to slaughter, but you cannot make him think.

Charles F. Danver in Pittsburgh Post-Gazatte

When columnist Merryle Stanley Rukeyser got up to speak at a luncheon of the Pittsburgh Advertising Club, he asked President Carl Dozer, "How long shall I speak?"

Carl told him cheerfully, "Take as long as you like-we all leave at one-thirty."                      

Bennett Cerf, Shake Well Before Using

Igor Cassini, the society columnist, asked Bernard Baruch how he arranged the seatings for all the notables who attended his dinner parties. "I never bother about that," Baruch assured him. "Those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter."

 

When Mr. Winston Churchill was lying serious ill, a priest called on him and asked him, “Mr. Churchill, are you ready to meet the Almighty?”. Churchill replied with his usual smile, “The more pertinent questions would be, is the Almighty ready to meet me!”

J.L. Nehru in a speech in parliament 18.2.1953

With all my admiration and love for democracy, I am not prepared to accept that the largest number of people are always right.

Kim Woo-Choong, Chairman,Daewoo,Korea

If you have one hundred pigs and one person, numbers tell you that it is one hundred to one. Numbers deceive: they cannot tell you the strength of the minority.

Shakespeare, Henry V

When he speaks,

The air, a chartered libertine, is still,

And the mute wonder lurketh in men's ears,

To steal his sweet and honey'd sentences.

 

The persuasive warmth and frankness of Abraham Lincoln's speaking manner prompted one old codger to walk away from a campaign speech he was delivering. "I won't hear him," the exasperated listener explained, "for I don't like a man who makes me believe him in spite of myself."

Peggy Lee
quoted by Leonard Lyons

We just heard about a little boy who said to his teacher, "I ain't got no pencil."

She corrected him at once: "`It's I don't have a pencil.' `You don't have a pencil.'  `We don't have any pencils.' `They don't have any pencils.' Is that clear?"

"No," said the bewildered child. "What happened to all them pencils?"

Wall Street Journal

When a graduate student suddenly applied for a scholarship at his university, he was asked why he needed the assistance. In a letter to the dean he explained, "My wife and I now separated, and this leaves me as my sole means of support."     

Mr. Vithal Gadgil
(as told by him in Rajya Sabha commenting on inflation)

A man in Pune went to buy meat worth Rs 2. The butcher asked him if he had a bus ticket. The puzzled man asked why? The butcher said the price had gone up so high that he could wrap up meat worth Rs 2 in a bus ticket. The man produced the bus ticket and the meat was wrapped in it. By the time the man reached home, the meat had fallen through the punch hole the conductor had made in the ticket.

Ali Ibn-Abi-Talib

He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare, And he who has one enemy shall meet him everywhere.

Hendrickson's Law

If a problem causes many meetings, the meetings eventually become more important than the problem itself.

Hacker's Law

Anyone having supervisory responsibility for the completion of a task in any organisation will invariably demand that more resources are needed.

 

"A flatterer is a man who tells you your opinion and not his own."   (Anon)

"Greatness lies not in being strong, but in the right use of strength." (Henry Ward Beecher)

"We never know the worth of water till the well is dry."
"A man doesn't know what he knows until he knows what he doesn't know." --Laurence Peter

"The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."  --Walter Bagehot  

Character is doing what’s right when nobody’s looking. J. C. WATTS, JR. U. S. Congress member

Laughter is a form of internal jogging. NORMAN COUSINS (1915-1990) Editor

Worry is a misuse of the imagination.

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." (Isaac Asimov)

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. " (Mark Twain (1835-1910))

 

A question in college exam read, "What steps would you take to find the height of a building, using an aneroid barometer?" One student, short on knowledge but long on ingenuity, replied: "I would lower the barometer on a string and measure the string." (Wall Street Journal)

 

When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.

"Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question." (Albert Camus (1913 - 1960))

 "An injury is much sooner forgotten than an insult."
 (Lord Chesterfield [Philip Dormer Stanhope] (1694 - 1773))
 
Income taxes are not so bad and certainly could be worse. Suppose we had to pay on what we think we are worth? – Anon
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right. -- Anon
 
Your manuscript is both good and original. However, that which is good is not original, and that which is original is not good.

Universities are full of knowledge: the freshmen bring a little in, the seniors take none away . . . the knowledge accumulates. Mark Twain [A similar remark is attributed to Charles W. Eliot, president of Harvard 1869-1909.]

 

Lord Dunsany

Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities.

 

Clement Freud

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking, and loving, you don't actually live longer: it just seems longer.

 

Andrew Lang

He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts - for support rather than illumination.

“Success has a thousand fathers, failure is an orphan” observed President John. F. Kennedy, minutes before he had to face the media on the doomed “Bay of Pigs” invasion of Cuba in April 1961.

William Shakespeare

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry."

HOW TO GIVE A SPEECH
by
FRANKLIN DELANO ROOSEVELT

Be sincere. Be brief. Be seated.

Gratitude is the heart’s memory.

FRENCH PROVERB

SIGN IN A LOAN COMPANY WINDOW

Now you can borrow enough money to get
completely out of debt.

YEARS AGO, a school principal received a phone call: “Thomas Bradley won’t be in school today.”

“Who is speaking?”

“My father.”

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful." --Ann Landers

"Man is a dog's idea of what God should be." --Holbrook Jackson

If You Can’t Climb the Wall, Build a Door! (CHARLES LEVER)

Love is the only thing you get more of by giving it away. (TOM WILSON)

To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.

BESS MYERSON

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.

FREDERICK KEONIG

Those things that hurt, instruct.

BENJAMIN FRANKLIN (1706-1790)
Statesman, writer, and scientist

Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself.

CHINESE PROVERB

PERSPECTIVE

WOODROW WILSON used to tell about a group of college professors who were considering the misconduct of a certain student. One of the professors urged severe punishment. “After all,” he said, “God has given us eyes.”

“Yes,” replied another professor, “and he has also given us eyelids.”

Prosperity is a great teacher; adversity is a greater. (WILLIAM HAZLITT (1778-1830))

 

AN APPLICANT FOR A JOB admitted to the personnel manager that he had both good and bad traits. “What are they?” he was asked.

“Well,” the man said, “on the good side I can do the job better than any man in the world. Twenty of the country’s largest companies are bidding for my services. I could probably double your business within a month, if you hire me.”

“That’s very impressive,” said the manager. “Now what are your bad traits?”

“Well,” replied the applicant, “there’s only one—I’ve been known to exaggerate now and then . . . .”

CHARISMA

Charismatic people are the type of people who light up a room when they walk in.

Noncharismatic people are the type of people who light up the room when they walk out!

(ROB GILBERT, Editor, Bits & Pieces)

Find the enemy and shoot him down. Everything else is nonsense.

Where there is officialism, every human relationship suffers.

Some people see the world as it is, and ask why. But I think of things that never were, and ask, why not

 

 

 

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goyalbb@yahoo.com

 

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